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Beaver Dam


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Toogoofy317 non-obstructed hcm, AICD 11-01-02 and 10-6-05 Find out more about Toogoofy317
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  • Beaver Dam

    I hope this is ok! But, found it too funny to resist!

    Beaver Dam

    This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan
    Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.

    This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you
    get to the response letter.

    (State's letter)

    SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;

    Montcalm County

    Dear Mr. DeVries:

    It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
    that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
    parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
    contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

    Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
    stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this
    type of activity. A review of the Department's files show that no permits
    have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this
    activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the
    Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public
    Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
    Compiled Laws, annotated.

    The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
    failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
    downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
    hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to
    cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the
    to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams
    from the stream channel.

    All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003.
    Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that
    a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to
    comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may
    result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

    We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.

    Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.


    David L. Price District Representative
    Land and Water Management Division

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    This is the actual response sent back:

    Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

    Dear Mr. Price,

    Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.

    I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson,

    A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
    constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my
    Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
    project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their
    skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge
    your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
    place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could
    ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam
    ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their
    dam work ethic. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that
    they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of
    dam activity.

    My first dam question to you is:

    (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring PondBeavers.... or
    (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said
    dam request?

    If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through
    The Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other
    applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see
    if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of
    the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act451 of the
    Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
    Compiled Laws, annotated.

    I have several concerns. My first concern is... aren't the beavers
    entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
    destitute and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State will have to
    provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either
    one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing
    flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is
    required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond
    Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

    If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please
    contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously
    did not pay any attention to your dam letter... they being unable to read
    English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to
    build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is
    green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to
    live and enjoy Spring Pond.

    If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives
    up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the
    environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are
    concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right
    now. Why wait until 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the
    dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to harass
    them then.

    In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real
    environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually
    defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting
    the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to
    investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful
    where they dump!)

    Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact
    you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam

    Thank You,

  • #2
    Love it! As an ecologist maybe I can appreciate it even more than most. I do hope those dam beavers won!



    • #3
      Now that is funny!

      God Squad co-moderator
      Nothing is as gentle as strength and nothing is as strong as gentleness


      • #4
        That was sooooo funny. Only in todays world...right?

        Dx @ 47 with HOCM & HF:11/00
        Guidant ICD:Mar.01, Recalled/replaced:6/05 w/ Medtronic device
        Lead failure,replaced 12/06.
        SF lead recall:07,extracted leads and new device 2012
        [email protected] Tufts, Boston:10/5/03; age 50. ( [email protected] 240 mmHg ++)
        Paroxysmal A-Fib: 06-07,2010 controlled w/sotalol dosing
        Genetic mutation 4/09, mother(d), brother, son, gene+
        Mother of 3, grandma of 3:Tim,27,Sarah,33w/6 y/o old Sophia, 5 y/o Jack, Laura 34, w/ 5 y/o old Benjamin


        • #5
          That was dam funny! As a resident of Michigan, I feel compelled to respond that this is indicative of the Government & Governmental process of this State! Much Ado about Nothing!

          Mary, how are you feeling?


          • #6
            This is great. So much goes around and around the internet and one doesn't know what of it is true or not (though this is funny, regardless of whether it happened or not) that I couldn't resist a sidetrip over to http://snopes.com Urban Legends Reference Pages: a great way to search those appeals, petitions, etc. that show up in your email to see if they are current or true. And Yes! they say this is actually true (except it was 1998 or so.)-- thanks, Mary. --Lisa Inman


            • #7
              even when times are blue. YOU GOTTA LAUGH! Ronnie it's been tough and I hurt all over today. I hate Tourons. For thouse of you who don't know what a touron is hera ya go.

              Tourons are a group of should be extinct animals that travel in packs to the state of Florida. Typically, around the central Florida area. These dense beast can be found meandering in long lines in such unnatural areas like Splash Mountain or Space Mountain. But, sometimes migrate to our roads where they get behind the wheel of a vehicle and fail to obey all laws of nature.If you look into a vehicle you will typically see the male touron with a guide map the female yelling at her young in the back of the minivan where they are screaming much like banshees and climbing all over the seats. WEll, I fell pray to one of them yesterday when I was cut off in my vehicle without a blinker. This typical species had migrated from Alabama where it seems that these particular species from those areas are even lower on the evolutionary ladder of their Northern Counterparts.( By the way the Nothern Counterparts do grow to another species known as Snow Birds I'll get into that later).The touron is also oblivious to everything in there surrondings. When I fell victim to them they never even stopped. But, alas I am lucky for I survived an attack from a touron and lived to tell the tale.

              I made that one up all by myself!

              Mary S.


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