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> >
> > The Bible.....
> >
> > THIS COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED
> > QUESTIONS
> > ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.
> >
> > THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.
> > THEY
> > HAVE
> > NOT BEEN RETOUCHED NOR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
> >
> > 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF
> >
> > CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
> >
> > 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS
> > JOAN
> >
> > OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AN ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
> >
> > 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE
> >
> > DURING THE NIGHT.
> >
> > 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD
> > TROUBLE
> >
> > WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
> >
> > 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A
> > JEZEBEL
> >
> > LIKE DELILAH.
> >
> > 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
> >
> > 7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED
> > BREAD
> >
> > WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
> >
> > 8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES
> >
> > WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
> >
> > 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
> >
> > 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
> >
> > 11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE
> >
> > HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
> >
> > 12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO
> >
> > STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
> >
> > 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE
> >
> > FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL
> > TIMES.
> >
> > 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
> >
> > 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA
> >
> > CARTA.
> >
> > 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND
> >
> > JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
> >
> > 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
> >
> > 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
> >
> > 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS
> >
> > BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY
> >
> > SWEAT ALONE.
> >
> > 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO
> > GET
> >
> > THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
> >
> > 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
> >
> > 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
> >
> > 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN..
> >
> > 24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY
> > WHICH
> >
> > IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
> >
> > 25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
> > The Bible.....
> >
> > THIS COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED
> > QUESTIONS
> > ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.
> >
> > THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.
> > THEY
> > HAVE
> > NOT BEEN RETOUCHED NOR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
> >
> > 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF
> >
> > CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
> >
> > 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS
> > JOAN
> >
> > OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AN ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
> >
> > 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE
> >
> > DURING THE NIGHT.
> >
> > 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD
> > TROUBLE
> >
> > WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
> >
> > 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A
> > JEZEBEL
> >
> > LIKE DELILAH.
> >
> > 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
> >
> > 7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED
> > BREAD
> >
> > WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
> >
> > 8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES
> >
> > WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
> >
> > 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
> >
> > 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
> >
> > 11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE
> >
> > HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
> >
> > 12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO
> >
> > STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
> >
> > 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE
> >
> > FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL
> > TIMES.
> >
> > 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
> >
> > 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA
> >
> > CARTA.
> >
> > 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND
> >
> > JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
> >
> > 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
> >
> > 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
> >
> > 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS
> >
> > BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY
> >
> > SWEAT ALONE.
> >
> > 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO
> > GET
> >
> > THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
> >
> > 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
> >
> > 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
> >
> > 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN..
> >
> > 24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY
> > WHICH
> >
> > IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
> >
> > 25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
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