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>Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
>Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, did
>you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I
>have a suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it.
>Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.
>Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
>
>When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice
>in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the
>papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained
>bitterly,
>"You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."
>Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know
>he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity
>to remember him as a great lover rather than the big **** he always was."
>
>An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They
>were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave
>came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and
>couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the
>promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
>Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.
>It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the
>bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her
>butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . please advise."
>
>The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
>
>A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
>At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out
>when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket They
>hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is
>actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a
>ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again
carrying
>out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband
>cries out:
>
>"Watch that wall!"
>
>When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park
>bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
>
>She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me
>every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage,
>fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
>
>I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
>
>She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies
>and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.
>
>"I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
>She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet
>meal with wine and my
>favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."
>
>I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
>
>She said, "I can't remember where I live!"
>
>Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years
>they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
>activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
>One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
>"Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long
>time.....but
>I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't
>remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
>Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
>and glared at her. Finally she said
>"How soon do you need to know?"
>
>THE SENILITY PRAYER
>
>Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
>the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
>and the eyesight to tell the difference.
>Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, did
>you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I
>have a suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it.
>Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.
>Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
>
>When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice
>in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the
>papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained
>bitterly,
>"You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."
>Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know
>he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity
>to remember him as a great lover rather than the big **** he always was."
>
>An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They
>were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave
>came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and
>couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the
>promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
>Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.
>It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the
>bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her
>butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . please advise."
>
>The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
>
>A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
>At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out
>when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket They
>hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is
>actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a
>ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again
carrying
>out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband
>cries out:
>
>"Watch that wall!"
>
>When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park
>bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
>
>She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me
>every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage,
>fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
>
>I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
>
>She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies
>and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.
>
>"I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
>She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet
>meal with wine and my
>favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."
>
>I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
>
>She said, "I can't remember where I live!"
>
>Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years
>they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
>activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
>One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
>"Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long
>time.....but
>I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't
>remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
>Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
>and glared at her. Finally she said
>"How soon do you need to know?"
>
>THE SENILITY PRAYER
>
>Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
>the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
>and the eyesight to tell the difference.
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