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A few Jewish Stories

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Burton Borrok Find out more about Burton Borrok
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  • A few Jewish Stories

    Evening Prayers...
    When young David was asked by his father to say the evening prayer, he
    realized he didn't have his head covered...so he asked his little brother Henry to rest a hand on his head until prayers were over.

    Henry grew impatient after a few minutes and removed his hand.

    The father said, "This is important...put your hand back on his head!"
    to which Henry exclaimed, "What, am I my brother's kipah?"
    _________________________________________________

    Location, Location, Location...
    Two Texans are sitting on a plane from Dallas, and an old Jewish Texan is
    sitting between them.

    The first Texan says, "My name is Roger. I own 250,000 acres. I have 1000 head of cattle and they call my place The Jolly Roger."

    The second Texan says, "My name is John. I own 350,000 acres. I have 5000 head of cattle and they call my place Big Johns."

    They both look down at the Jewish man who says, "My name is Irving and I own only 300 acres."

    Roger looks down at him and says, "300 Acres? What do you raise?"
    "Nothing," Irving says.

    Well then, what do you call it?" asked John. - - "Downtown Dallas."
    _________________________________________
    A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa...

    "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

    "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have,
    or will, eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

    After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old Jewish man in the front row, raised his hand and said, "Vedding Cake?"
    _______________________________________________

    Doctor Bloom, who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent
    over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane.

    When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and, amazingly,
    emerged within half an hour walking completely erect with her head held high.

    A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half. and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"

    She answered, "Miracle, shmiracle . . . he gave me a longer cane."

  • #2
    Re: A few Jewish Stories

    BURT

    Too funny!!! Please be sure to tell my Husband, these jokes, when we see you.
    You write a great joke-I bet you tell a joke even better!
    RONNIE

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    • #3
      Re: A few Jewish Stories

      OK, here’s another one for you – purported to be true.

      The great Houdini had developed this marvelous trick of putting some thread into his mouth along with a needle, and then taking them out with the needle threaded. He rented a great hall to introduce the trick, and invited a great many notables to the premiere performance.

      The theatre was packed, and instead of using an obviously great personage to assist in the trick, he called upon a man with a slight build sitting in an isle seat. The man came on stage and at Houdini’s request examined both the needle and the thread and assured the audience they were absolutely normal items, unaltered from their regular state.

      Houdini then asked the man to look into his mouth and tell the audience what he saw. The man looked in Houdini’s mouth, turned to the audience and announced – Pyorrhea. The audience was still laughing hysterically while The Great Houdini had to proceed with performing the trick.

      As it turned out, the man with the slight build was none other then Groucho Marks, - without his painted on mustache and classic stooped ‘duck’ walk. The Great Houdini had rented the stage, but he was up-staged on it.
      Burt

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