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Burton Borrok Find out more about Burton Borrok
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  • Oooops

    Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....


    I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.



    I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."



    My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.



    While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.



    Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


    This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any.....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

  • #2
    Re: Oooops

    Burt I laughed til I hurt! Thanks
    Dx @ 47 with HOCM & HF:11/00
    Guidant ICD:Mar.01, Recalled/replaced:6/05 w/ Medtronic device
    Lead failure,replaced 12/06.
    SF lead recall:07,extracted leads and new device 2012
    [email protected] Tufts, Boston:10/5/03; age 50. ( [email protected] 240 mmHg ++)
    Paroxysmal A-Fib: 06-07,2010 controlled w/sotalol dosing
    Genetic mutation 4/09, mother(d), brother, son, gene+
    Mother of 3, grandma of 3:Tim,27,Sarah,33w/6 y/o old Sophia, 5 y/o Jack, Laura 34, w/ 5 y/o old Benjamin

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Oooops

      Gems Burt! Gems!
      Leon
      God Squad co-moderator
      Nothing is as gentle as strength and nothing is as strong as gentleness

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Oooops

        Hey, I think we should all tell our oops's. So here's mine - or at least my favorite one.

        When I was 18 or 19 there was a guy who kept wanting to date me, but I was not interested. He was always trying to touch me and I was uncomfortable with him. One Sunday afternoon he came to my home and wanted to go out somewhere, but I just invited him in to sit in my living room and talk. To my great relief my sister's cat came in and jumped up into my lap. I took full advantage of the situation to stroke the cat vigorously. The cat cooperated by purring loudly. After awhile the young man said, "That cat is really happy!" With no conscious forethought I smiled widely and said, "Yes, you'd be really happy too if you were curled up in my lap getting petted!"

        He left soon afterwards and never bothered me again.

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        • #5
          Re: Oooops

          Rhoda , so funny you made me think of my oops. I dated this guy when I was a teen and at christmas I gave him a sweater and a pair of chords. The chords were too long so as I fancied myself as a person who sewed well ,I offered to hem them for him . I had him try them on . As I knealt on the floor pinning up the hems ,I looked up to see that something was in his pocket. As I reached up , I spoke the words, "what did you put in your pocket?" I patted his pocket and nearly exploded with embarrassement! My face was scarlet. We laughed about it after a bit but we later broke off our relationship so that he could go become a priest. What an OOPS!
          Dx @ 47 with HOCM & HF:11/00
          Guidant ICD:Mar.01, Recalled/replaced:6/05 w/ Medtronic device
          Lead failure,replaced 12/06.
          SF lead recall:07,extracted leads and new device 2012
          [email protected] Tufts, Boston:10/5/03; age 50. ( [email protected] 240 mmHg ++)
          Paroxysmal A-Fib: 06-07,2010 controlled w/sotalol dosing
          Genetic mutation 4/09, mother(d), brother, son, gene+
          Mother of 3, grandma of 3:Tim,27,Sarah,33w/6 y/o old Sophia, 5 y/o Jack, Laura 34, w/ 5 y/o old Benjamin

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Oooops

            You know, I found men of the cloth frequently have exceedingly fine senses of humor. I’ll bet he still laughs when (or if) he thinks about it.

            I guess my biggest Oops was when I was a pre-teen and still very sensitive about man/woman things. I had gone to the movies with my aunt, uncle and cousin, and when we were leaving I was following my aunt, while still closely watching the movie on the screen. My uncle and cousin said nothing as I followed my aunt into the ladies room, where she turned around and said, “Burt, what are you doing here?” I left in a flash, into the laughs of my uncle and cousin who thought it was hilarious. Took me years to live it down.
            Burt

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            • #7
              Re: Oooops

              I normally just read the board and rarely post but the "ooops" stories really amused me so I had to tell you guys mine. After just a couple of dates with my husband I invited him to attend a BBQ that one of my coworkers at the bank was having at her home. Another coworker was bringing her new boyfriend also. As we were standing in line at the buffet her boyfriend was beside me and I was getting a piece of strawberry cake and I grabbed the whip cream can and somehow ( to this day I don't know how I did it) I sprayed whip cream right at a certain spot on the front of this man's pants! I immediately grabbed my napkin and started to wipe him off. He thankfully stopped my hand before I did and laughingly told me he would prefer to do it. I was sooo embarrassed! Then to make matters worse my "date" said "Susan, grab that can of whip cream and let's go!" I never thought he would ask me out again but he ended up marrying me! My coworkers at the bank talked about my "ooops" for a long time afterwards and I was invited to "every" BBQ!

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Oooops

                Burt, there pretty funny, I also have one I thought was pretty funny.
                My regular golf partner and myself got paired with a couple women to form a foursome.
                On one hole while looking for my golf ball, I ran over it with the cart. I had to dig it out so it was pretty dirty.
                At the next tee I decided to clean it with a few other with the ball washer.
                While I was doing this my partner said your up.
                I said 'Hang on a minute I'm washing my balls, I just ran over it with the golf cart.'
                Well the four of us just looked at each other and died with laughter.
                However one women did ask me later how my balls were.
                Every great thing that has ever happened since the beginning of time has started as a single thought in someones mind.
                So if you are capable of thought then you are capable of great things
                Good luck and stay well.
                Glen

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