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Top Dumb Incidents of Last Year

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Burton Borrok Find out more about Burton Borrok
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  • Top Dumb Incidents of Last Year

    1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
    AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

    2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
    Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

    3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
    An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

    4. THE GETAWAY!
    A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

    5. DID I SAY THAT???
    Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"

    6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
    A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!

    7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
    In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate! a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

    8. THE GRAND FINALE
    Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, Cal. some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied.. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough top side check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE .. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

  • #2
    Re: Top Dumb Incidents of Last Year

    ATTENTION WAL-MART SHOPPERS

    One day a man was having lunch with his friend and complained about a pain in his arm. He said he was going to take time off from work and go see his doctor. His friend said that there was a quicker, more convenient and cheaper way to find out what’s wrong and what to do about it. Take a urine sample down to the Diagnostic Machine at Wal-Mart. Put five dollars into the machine, and when it asks for your sample just pour it in the sample tub.

    The man figured that for five dollars it was worth a try, so he did as his friend suggested. When the urine sample was received the machine ground and chugged for a while, then printed out a slip of paper and shut down. The man took the paper and read, “You have tennis elbow. All you have to do is rest your arm until it heals.”

    He was amazed, but then after a while, he decided to challenge the machine to a duel. He mixed urine samples from both his wife and daughter, then stirred in some stool from his dog, and as a final touch, he ejaculated into the mixture. He then went down to Wal-Mart, inserted five dollars into the machine, and when prompted, poured the concoction into the sample tube. Again the machine ground and chugged for a while, then printed out a slip of paper and shut down.

    The man quickly grabbed the slip of paper and read the following; “Your wife is pregnant. She will have twins. They are not yours. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Your dog has ringworm and should be treated with an anti-fungicide – and if you don’t stop playing with yourself your tennis elbow will never heal.”

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