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Al-Gebra

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Joyce Leinart Find out more about Joyce Leinart
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  • Al-Gebra

    At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual
    later discovered to be a public school teacher was
    arrested trying to board a flight while in possession
    of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule,
    and a calculator.

    At a morning press conference, Attorney general
    John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of
    the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged
    by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

    "Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire
    average solutions by means and extremes,
    and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of
    absolute value. They use secret code names like "x"
    and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns.
    " but we have determined they belong to a common
    denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates
    in everycountry."

    "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say,
    there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft
    declared.

    When asked to comment on the arrest, President
    Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better
    weapons of math instruction, He would have given you
    more fingers and toes."


    "I am gratified that our government has given us a
    sine that it is intent on protracting us from these
    math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with
    calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to
    inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the
    President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we
    must differentiate their root, make our point, and
    draw the line."

    President Bush warned, "These weapons of math
    instruction have the potential to decimal everything
    in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we
    become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to
    factor-in random facts of vertex."

    Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great
    Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one
    principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue
    to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse
    tightens around their necks."
    \"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.\"
    Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

  • #2
    Re: Al-Gebra

    That was incalculably good. Thanks for the posting.

    Burt

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    • #3
      Re: Al-Gebra

      Oh, I sooooo needed that ! I am taking Algebra this semester and it gives me chest pains just thinking about it. I only have six hours left for my Associate's degree and it is Algebra and Calculus. If that tells you anything!

      Mary s.

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