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A little Jewish humor

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Burton Borrok Find out more about Burton Borrok
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  • A little Jewish humor

    It was mealtime during a flight on El Al. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Moishe, seated in front. "What are my choices?" Moishe asked.
    "Yes or no," she replied.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's Last Will and Testament. "To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Bernie had a fight with Rachel, his wife, and went to the movies to cool off. Later that evening, he decided to phone home to see what the situation was and maybe even apologize. "Hello, darling," he said, "what are you making for dinner?" "What am I making for dinner? After all the horrible things you said to me earlier, you want to know what I am making for dinner?? Poison, that's what I'm making, poison." Bernie replies, "Okay then, just make one portion, I'm not coming home."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Miriam was dying and on her deathbed, she gave final instructions to her husband Sidney. "Sidney, you've been so good to me all these years. I know you never even thought about another woman. But now that I'm going, I want you to marry again as soon as is possible and I want you to give your new wife all my expensive clothes."
    "I can't do that, darling," Sidney said. "You're a size 16 and she's only a 10."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~`

    A rabbi was called to a Miami Beach Nursing Home to perform a wedding. An anxious old man met him at the door. The rabbi sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. "Do you love her?" The old man replied, "I guess." "Is she a good Jewish woman?" "I don't know for sure," the old man answered. "Does she have lots of money?" asked the rabbi. "I doubt it." "Then why are you marrying her?" the rabbi asked.
    "She can drive at night," the old man said

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

    An elderly Jewish man is struck by a car and brought to the local
    hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says,
    "Mr. Epstein, are you comfortable?" Epstein replies, "I make a nice
    living."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

    A French guest, staying in a hotel called room service for some pepper.
    "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
    "Toilette pepper!"

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    One Rosh Hashanah morning, the Rabbi noticed little Adam was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the synagogue. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the Rabbi walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly,
    "Good morning, Adam." “Good morning, Rabbi," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Rabbi Resnick, what is this?" Adam asked. "Well, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Adam's voice was barely audible when he asked: "Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur?"

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