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True Doctor Stories

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Burton Borrok Find out more about Burton Borrok
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  • True Doctor Stories

    A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's --Dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

    --Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

    At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I instructed. Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.

    --Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

    One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

    --Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

    I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right
    eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
    couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

    --Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

    During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?" I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

    --Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

    While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered. Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."

    --Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

    I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky
    Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

    --Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

    And Finally . . . .

    A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
    unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

    The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was
    an Oscar Meyer Wiener."

    --won't give name!

  • #2
    Re: True Doctor Stories

    those are too funny!

    what a great way to start out my morning. Thanks!

    Laurie

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    • #3
      Re: True Doctor Stories

      good for a few laughs!
      Thanks!
      Lisa
      Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
      YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

      Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
      lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
      Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
      Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
      Currently not obstructed
      Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: True Doctor Stories

        Good stuff, I'm still laughing.
        Every great thing that has ever happened since the beginning of time has started as a single thought in someones mind.
        So if you are capable of thought then you are capable of great things
        Good luck and stay well.
        Glen

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