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Lisa Salberg Find out more about Lisa Salberg
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  • #16
    Beautiful?

    There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You're cute!” Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
    Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
    YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

    Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
    lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
    Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
    Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
    Currently not obstructed
    Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

    Comment


    • #17

      Lipstick at School

      According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
      That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

      Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

      To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

      There are teachers, and then there are educators...
      :P
      Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
      YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

      Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
      lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
      Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
      Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
      Currently not obstructed
      Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

      Comment


      • #18
        Quizzical

        A man and his son are in a car accident and are rushed to the hospital. But when he's wheeled into the OR, the doctor looks at the boy and says "I can't operate on this boy! He's my son!" Who's the doctor?



        His mother.
        Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
        YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

        Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
        lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
        Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
        Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
        Currently not obstructed
        Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

        Comment


        • #19
          This one was sent to me by Bob Pensack (a psychiatrist )

          How about this one?


          A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife; so
          he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build
          his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read
          on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his
          house.

          The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing
          a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that
          *I* am the man of this house, and my word is law!
          I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm
          finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.
          Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax.
          And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me
          and comb my hair?"


          "The f**** funeral director," said his wife.
          Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
          YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

          Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
          lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
          Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
          Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
          Currently not obstructed
          Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

          Comment


          • #20
            Blonde (or fillin the blank!)Nurse

            Why did the blonde (or fill in the blank)nurse take a red magic marker to work?
            In case she had to draw some blood.

            Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
            YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

            Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
            lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
            Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
            Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
            Currently not obstructed
            Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

            Comment


            • #21
              Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?


              He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog!

              Bob
              Cleveland Myectomy Crew
              Member since November 2002

              \"Chance favors the prepared mind!\"

              Comment


              • #22
                more battle of the sexes

                A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men. Excited to prove to his wife that he had been
                right all along when he accused her of talking too much, he showed her the study results.

                It read "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000."

                The wife thought for a moment, then said to her husband, "It's because we have to repeat everything we say."

                The husband said, "What?"
                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but, especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and, then, slide back together again.

                The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"

                The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

                While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

                They continued to watch until it reached the last number and, then, the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year old woman stepped out.

                The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly, "Son, Go get your mother."
                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                Comment


                • #23
                  OK that last one was written by a man ..no doubt!
                  Lisa
                  Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
                  YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

                  Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
                  lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
                  Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
                  Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
                  Currently not obstructed
                  Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats.
                    The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. This results in one of the worst pile-ups in history.

                    When questioned by police why he put two deviates along the side of the road, the man replied, "I broke down and was just using my emergency flashers!"
                    Reenie

                    ****************
                    Husband has HCM.
                    3 kids - ages 23, 21, & 19. All presently clear of HCM.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Bob and John were best friends since they were in elementary school. Baseball was their biggest passion in life. One day Bob and John made a pact that whoever died first would come back and tell the other if there was basebal in Heaven.

                      Bob and John continued through their lives until one day John passed on. True to the pact he came back to Bob a few days later. Bob was glad to "see" him and asked, "Well, is there baseball in Heaven?"

                      John replied, "Bob, I have good news and bad news."

                      Bob said, "Okay, let's have the good news first."

                      John stated, "Well, the good news is that there IS baseball in Heaven."

                      Bob excitedly answered back, "That's great... what could the bad news be?"

                      John looked at Bob in the eyes and said, "You're pitching tomorrow!"

                      Mom of Keanu
                      4 years old (will be in March)
                      Dx at 2 days old with Biventricular hypertrophy
                      Dx at 6 weeks with HOCM
                      Dx at 5 months with V-tach
                      Dx at 3 with Noonan Syndrome

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Two men were out golfing. Another group was ahead of them, two women. The women were playing quite slow.

                        One man asked the other if they should ask if they could play through.
                        The other said yeah that it would be a good idea. So he walked up to the top of the hill and quickly ran back.

                        "Did you tell them"
                        " I couldn't one was my wife the other was my mistress"
                        "Well I guess I'll do it" So the other man went to the top of the hill. He ran back scratched his head and said

                        "Small world isn't it."






                        Mary S.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          OK I did not see that one coming..2 points for Mary!
                          Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
                          YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

                          Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
                          lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
                          Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
                          Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
                          Currently not obstructed
                          Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            A saleswoman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when she sees a Navajo woman hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, she stops the car and the Navajo woman climbs in.

                            During their small talk, the Navajo woman glances surreptitiously at a brown bag on the front seat between them.

                            "If you're wondering what's in the bag," offers the saleswoman, "it's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

                            The Navajo woman is silent for awhile, nods several times and says, "Good trade."
                            Reenie

                            ****************
                            Husband has HCM.
                            3 kids - ages 23, 21, & 19. All presently clear of HCM.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              St. Peter approached the crowd of men at the Pearly Gates and ordered them to form two lines. The first line is for all of the men who's wives were "in charge" of the family, and the second was for those men who were "in charge". All of the men lined up in the first line except for one. St. Peter asked the man "Why are you in this line?"

                              and he replied...

                              "She told me to stand here!"

                              Bob
                              Cleveland Myectomy Crew
                              Member since November 2002

                              \"Chance favors the prepared mind!\"

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Bob, I wonder how many men out there are thinking about which line they will stand in? Linda (I know which one my hubby will be in.)

                                Comment

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