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Lisa Salberg Find out more about Lisa Salberg
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  • Joke of the day

    Arm Troubles

    A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
    The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello, Doctor't; says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"

    "Aha!'' says the doctor.

    ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

    Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
    YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

    Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
    lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
    Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
    Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
    Currently not obstructed
    Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

  • #2
    oh my...that's baaaaaaaaaaaaad. so bad it's hilarious!
    Dee, Mom to Dylan
    (Almost 7 yrs old, HOCM, Endocarditis/Stroke 1/01, Myectomy/Valve Repair 4/04)

    Comment


    • #3
      Thats what I was going for...really bad, yet clean

      I have a few saved up that will make you all want to roll your eyes!

      Feel free to post your favorites!
      Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
      YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

      Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
      lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
      Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
      Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
      Currently not obstructed
      Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

      Comment


      • #4
        An Order of Spaghetti

        A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
        ''But how will I let you know the baby is born?'' she asked. He replied, ''Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses.''

        Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

        Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, ''Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means.''

        The doctor said, ''Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.'' Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

        So the wife picked up the card and read, ''Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'''
        Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
        YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

        Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
        lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
        Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
        Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
        Currently not obstructed
        Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

        Comment


        • #5
          Ok I am a bit surprised that nobody made a comment on the last posting...
          This one reminds me of my parents

          A Child's View of Retirement

          After a Christmas break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holidays. One small boy wrote the following:
          We always used to spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They ride on big three-wheeled tricycles and they all wear nametags because they don't know who they are. They go to a big building called a wrecking hall; but if it was wrecked, they got it fixed because it's all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very good.

          There is a swimming pool there. They go into it and just stand there with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.

          As you go into their park, there is a dollhouse with a little man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. When they can sneak out they go to the beach and pick up shells that they think are dollars.

          My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks, they just eat out. They eat the same thing every night, Early Birds. Some of the people are so retarded that they don't know how to cook at all, so my Grandma and Grandpa bring food into the wrecked hall and they call it "pot luck."

          My Grandma says Grandpa worked hard all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back up here, but I guess the little man in the dollhouse won't let them out.
          Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
          YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

          Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
          lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
          Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
          Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
          Currently not obstructed
          Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

          Comment


          • #6
            Yes, that does sound like mom and dad!!! cute one.

            lynn

            Comment


            • #7
              BRATS
              mom

              Comment


              • #8
                hmmm well that one made me feel kinda RETARDED!!!!
                Allways remember you cannot control the wind!!
                However you can adjust your sails!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Sorry guys... I thought this was funny...but I am a woman

                  Brain Transplant

                  A patient needed a brain transplant and the doctor told the family, ''Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.''
                  ''Well, how much does a brain cost?'' asked the relatives.

                  ''For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000,'' replied the doctor.

                  Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked, ''Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?''

                  ''Standard pricing practice,'' said the doctor. ''Women's brains have to be marked down because they've actually been used.''
                  Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
                  YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

                  Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
                  lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
                  Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
                  Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
                  Currently not obstructed
                  Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Lisa Salberg
                    Sorry guys... I thought this was funny...but I am a woman





                    ''Standard pricing practice,'' said the doctor. ''Women's brains have to be marked down because they've actually been used.''

                    Used for what?? And even if they were, I'm sure they were all low mileage!! :P

                    And the story you told before did sound a lot like mom and dad, 'cept mom don't wear hats. otherwise, pretty darn close.
                    Lisa\'s favorite (and smarter) big brother.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      wow I would hate to see the price of a blonde brain!!!!!
                      Allways remember you cannot control the wind!!
                      However you can adjust your sails!!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Rich Miller
                        wow I would hate to see the price of a blonde brain!!!!!
                        Good point. I suppose that might be considered something like "uncirculated" to a coin collector.
                        Lisa\'s favorite (and smarter) big brother.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Editorial comment: I will be correcting the word usage of my child with the higher priced lesser used brain. It is mom doesn't wear hats not don't.
                          mom

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I was speaking a combination dialect of Brooklynese and Hiberniaese with the futile hopes that you may understand what I was talking about!
                            Lisa\'s favorite (and smarter) big brother.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by anne flanigan
                              Editorial comment: It is mom doesn't wear hats not don't.
                              You may notice that your "correction" of my English and grammer seems to be missing some punctuation. You were born blonde, were you not?

                              Now, behave yourself or I'm telling Lisa.
                              Lisa\'s favorite (and smarter) big brother.

                              Comment

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