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one of those days...

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Lisa Salberg Find out more about Lisa Salberg
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  • one of those days...

    It happens when you least expect and for reasons I will never understand. The realization that yes, in fact my sister is gone. When does it happen...walking in the mall...driving down a road where once you passed her by chance on the way home from work... looking at a door and waiting for her to come in...when something happens and you reach for the phone to share the news...anytime.
    What really gets me is that at those moments it is as if it just happend..she just died. I feel it in my stomach as I did the day she died. Then the details come in a clear as day. The hospital room, the nurses, doctors, the looks on there faces (knowing that the little hope we were clinging to was likely not going to be anything but heart ache), talking to the organ donation people (who were wonderful) and that which breaks my heart over and over... her children and what they had lost.
    I guess I am writing for the same reason I normally do...because someone out there feels the same...and our pain is unique as in many cases we live with the fear it could strike again within our family.
    I miss Lori today, I miss Lori everyday...but today I can almost hear her voice and I have looked at the door 100 times, I did not know why the first 99...then I realized I was looking for her. She is not there, I know that in my brain...my heart is a different story.
    To all those who have lost a loved one, my heart is with you all today. So back to work ..to help stop HCM from hurting families.
    Peace to all,
    Lisa
    Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
    YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

    Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
    lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
    Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
    Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
    Currently not obstructed
    Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

  • #2
    Re: one of those days...

    My heart aches for you today, Lisa. Loosing someone so dear & so close is not something one really ever "gets over", is it? And yes, I remember so well how the pain returns unexplainably. I will hold you in my thoughts & pray that God will hold you in His arms. I know He shares your pain. May the peace you offer, return to you many times over.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: one of those days...

      Wow - I'm speechless. All I can think to say is, God said that He would turn our mourning into dancing and our sorrow into joy.

      Peace to you.
      HOCM, Septal Myectomy 10/02 (Mayo Clinic), Medtronic ICD 10/07, TIA 10/07

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: one of those days...

        Lisa, I'm here for you. We're all here for each other. Linda

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        • #5
          Re: one of those days...

          Lisa, all I can say is that I hear you. I'm with everyone else on this I think that the others who posted before me said it all. I'll just say Amen.

          Reenie
          Reenie

          ****************
          Husband has HCM.
          3 kids - ages 23, 21, & 19. All presently clear of HCM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: one of those days...

            What really gets me is that at those moments it is as if it just happend..she just died. I feel it in my stomach as I did the day she died. Then the details come in a clear as day. The hospital room, the nurses, doctors, the looks on there faces
            Boy Lisa, do I understand this! I always thought I was "strange" for always thinking back to the day my nephew died. I mean....... I have days where I literally re-live the whole horror in my mind, clear as if it were yesterday. Getting the first phone call, arriving at the hospital, being led to "that" door where they only take grieving family, walking in and being told by my brother "We lost him." Going in with my brother to see my nephew while he lay in that cold dreery room. Having the organ donation coordinator come in and say it was time for us to leave, (they donated his corneas) and from there walking out and spending the next several days in total shock and pain. I don't remember a whole lot about the services themselevs. Instead I remember very clearly things like helping to pick out the casket and the songs. Strange how our minds cling to certain painful things!

            SO Lisa, you are right that you are not alone in your painful memories. Many of us do understand and feel for you when you are having "one of those days"! I have found it is best, for me anyway, to let the memories flow. For me it is almost theraputic. For days before I have these flash backs, I noticed I am feeling gloomy and just not myself. Then I go through these very vivid pictures in my mind and I grieve again. Then the next day I am back to myself and feeling better! I hope you are feeling better today as well

            Here is a poem I wrote for Kenny the fall after he died. I know many of you will understand the pain. I have been thinking a lot about him, especially lately, as this is the month we lost him.............

            As the seasons change here on earth
            and our lives continue on,
            our thoughts keep coming back to you
            with every rising sun.
            We made it through the summer
            and now are into fall,
            and wonder when the pain will ease
            or if it will at all.
            The snow will soon be falling here
            and the winter winds will blow,
            the seasons are changing quickly
            but the pain just will not go.
            When spring arrives with it's warm sunshine
            we will continue to think of you,
            our hearts will still ache, our tears will still fall,
            with each new morning dew.
            For this is the season it all began
            and our hearts were first broken.
            This is the season you answered God's call
            to join him up in Heaven.
            And as the seasons come and go
            we need for you to know,
            you will always be remembered here,
            and that we miss you so.

            There is also a poem written by Kenny's dad, and another one by me for Kenny on his memorial page at:

            http://www.designsbydolly.com/andrew/angels.html
            Dolly~
            mom to Andrew(HCM) 21 years old
            Diagnosed \'95 age 5
            Myectomy \'96 age 6
            ICD implant \'99 age 9
            First ICD shock (X2) \'04
            ICD replacement surgery \'05 age 15

            *And aunt to 7 year old Kenny who had HCM and suffered sudden death in gym class. (2/20/87 - 4/6/94)

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: one of those days...

              I'm speechless with all of the love that surronds this forum.

              Lisa know your sister is looking upon you and is guiding you on your path . Through her memory you have changed so many lives for the good.

              Thanks for being there for all of us and I'm sure all of us will be there for you!

              Mary S.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: one of those days...

                Hi Lisa
                People say that in time it gets easier. I hope this quote will apply to you one day. Try to remember that we all meet again. I don't know what else to say except I hope tomorrow is better for you. Stay strong! You sound like an amazing person.
                Tammy

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: one of those days...

                  Thanks everyone... The feelings always pass and lead me to a very productive time as the energy of the pain converts into the wanting for others NEVER to know the pain.

                  It is a new day...and a good one (in many ways BUT always too busy )
                  Yesterday afternoon I some wonderful chats with some new members just finding their way through the maze of HCM. Each call ended in the way they normally do "I would be lost with out the HCMA - - Thanks"
                  That makes it a good day...and I know Lori in some way helped them find us and we can now help them LIVE with HCM!

                  You are all great friends - thanks again

                  Lisa
                  Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
                  YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

                  Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
                  lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
                  Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
                  Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
                  Currently not obstructed
                  Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: one of those days...

                    Lisa, I was having that same day. I miss my brother and feeling bad for his son. His 5th birthday was the other day. This is his second birthday with out his daddy. My heart hurts so much for his son and his wife. I know it is harder for them. Or should I say different. I know God is with us and it will be ok in the end.

                    Have a great day and lets keep some happy moments in our thoughts. Lets remember the smiles.
                    Donna B. HCM & ICD. 2 sons with HCM. Brother passed away from HCM at the age of 39. Mother has HCM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: one of those days...

                      Tears are the bodies way of expressing love, so shed a tear and say nothing and know you have expressed your love in the greatest way imaginable.
                      Every great thing that has ever happened since the beginning of time has started as a single thought in someones mind.
                      So if you are capable of thought then you are capable of great things
                      Good luck and stay well.
                      Glen

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: one of those days...

                        Dear Lisa,
                        I am so sorry you lost your sister. For every family living with HCM it's our worst fear - to lose someone we love. This website is such a gift to us all and I just want to say thanks for always being there to encourage and help others. It does make such a difference. Lori's death is not in vain.
                        I hope you have a good week and will look forward to logging on again soon to catch up with everyone's news.
                        Bye for now,
                        Alison Whybro
                        Auckland, NZ

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: one of those days...

                          Thanks everyone! Lori is here with us each day (likely on the jokes page a great deal )
                          I know it is because of here we are able to be together here. She is missed but she will never be forgotten.

                          Peace to all!
                          Lisa
                          Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
                          YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

                          Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
                          lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
                          Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
                          Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
                          Currently not obstructed
                          Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)

                          Comment

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