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  • Striving for Peace

    [Striving for Peace]

    Author: maura mendoza (---.proxy.aol.com)

    Date: 10-31-02 07:44

    Good Morning Everyone,

    It has been 10 weeks today that Travis has been gone, in this past 10 week's I have pushed myself to search for answers in his sudden death , victim to un-detected HCM. I am angry first in my set of emotions, then of course follow devistation and complete helplessness. I have read all that seems to be availabe on the web pertaining to HCM , sudden death and such, I have driven myself sleepless most nights scouring for answers that will never reveal themselves in justification to Travs ' death. I must say I have found comfort in reading others stories of loosing there young babes to HCM, I have had a lot of people reach out to me in my whirl - whind of loss. The comfort that complete strangers have given far exceded that of those who know myself and family, It has awed me and shown me something about myself in the process of connecting with all these wonderful people whom live with the same scar's of loss that I now wear deep inside. It dawned on me a few nights ago, that a complete stranger cannot see the depths of my pain, what living **** I have endured in the last 10 weeks. I also find myself looking at ecery boy or girl around trav's age of 14, wondering if they live w/ this hidden killer, there have been 3 males in my small coastal town that have died of HCM in the last 8 yrs.what are the freaky odd's of that ? Trav was the youngest, the other two were 17 and 32. I have meet the older males mother as she came to travs wake and said: " You have Joined the club no one ever wants to Join" That has stuck in my mind.....oout of 348 people that came thru the wake her words traveled round and round my mind.

    I am seeking peace , I am finding solace in my other 2 boys, Mike 11 and Conaln 5, both free of HCM at this time, but it is still haunting that they may someday be diagnosed as they will be checked every 9 months well into there 20's. I am forever grateful that if they are ever diagnosed I knwo where to head for answers and direction in treatment. They say one will loose his life to save others in the family, It just stops me in wonder of who trav will save ?

    Thanks for being here, I find comfort here ..I identify, and I can keep feeding my mind the infornmation I need to stop the madness at times, Lisa you deserve a medal ~ Love and light to you and your's , Maura

    mother to the best 3

    R.I.P. Travis Mendoza 7-9-88 ************** 8-22-02

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Striving for Peace]

    Author: Sharon (---.ph.ph.cox.net)

    Date: 10-31-02 12:47

    Dear Maura,

    You are not alone in your journey! And, know you are not alone in your grief. We all mourn the loss of the little ones (young and older) that die from HCM. Our purpose and mission takes on a greater challenge with each loss!

    Right now, Maura, you need to be sure to take care of you! There is a hard, hard road ahead for you. As I told you, I am a member of this club. Anthony died of undetected HCM at age 20, two years ago last July. I have been on this road for over 2 years, and finally I can say that I have set my limits and I know how to listen to my body for warning signs of over work. Doesn't mean I stop working, just means I find some peaceful outlet to releave some of the stress. Take care of yourself, dearone! We need you and so do your boys (all three of them) for this long road ahead!

    My heart continues to connect with yours in your time of need. You and your family remain in my prayers. Travis' death will not be forgotten. Many great things will come out of his short life.

    Love and Light,

    Sharon

    Anthony's Mom

    http://www.AnthonyBates.org

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Striving for Peace]

    Author: maura mendoza (---.proxy.aol.com)

    Date: 11-01-02 07:11

    Sharon,

    Thank you for you ! I have often found myself visiting all the sites of thos elost to hcm...What a great site you have in honor of Anthony ! I am in the process of trying to get a site together for Trav, his friends made one immediately after he passed, a great place for them to go ! Thank you for thoughts and prayers , as I know what strength there is in numbers ! Love and light ! Maura

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Striving for Peace]

    Author: Mary Catania (---.proxy.aol.com)

    Date: 11-01-02 09:04

    Dear Maura,

    My heartfelt love and prayers are with you in the loss of your precious son, Travis. I know the devastation, anger, and grief you are experiencing. Sometimes you think you are going crazy. It is all a normal part of grieving, and in time those feelings will soften.

    My son, Vincent, died suddenly of undetected HCM at age 18 in 1991. It's been a long journey since then. I think the important thing to remember, and you have discovered this, is that you are on a journey, and that many things about you will change as you travel the uneven terrain of the bereaved. I know that I have changed in many positive ways since Vincent. I've become a more meditative person, more compassionate, and my views of what's important in my life have also changed. I've learned to take care of my inner self. I've learned to depend on God to carry me through during the times when I lose my energy, focus, and will to continue my journey.

    I was diagnosed with HCM during the summer of 2001. Because Vincent suffered a sudden death, and because of two other risk factors, I had an ICD implanted last July. My other two adult children get screened every five years. If they develop it, they will be treated appropriately, as I am being treated.

    Maura, keep writing, and writing, and writing..about Travis, about yourself, about your world. It will help. I started a diary after Vincent. All the nights I couldn't sleep, I wrote. Every single day, I wrote. I even wrote a letter to Vincent and felt comfort in that. After a year of writing, I reread everything and discovered how I'd grown in that year. I continue to write and reread; I continue to grow. What I am trying to say is that this painful time can also be a time of self-discovery and recovery.

    Maura, you have great strength and courage. I sense that in your posting. I pray that God will keep you in his loving care, and that you will continue to find comfort and peace in your daily life.

    With love and prayers,

    Mary

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Striving for Peace]

    Author: Lisa Salberg (---.dyn.optonline.net)

    Date: 11-01-02 20:11

    Mary - I am so happy to see you here on the board sharing your story, your son, your ways of coping and healing yourself. I remember well the first time we spoke and I know how your sons loss remains painful for you each day. I also see a strength in you now that was not so clear before. I know there is never going to be time when all the pain is gone but to take the pain and use the power to heal yourself and to heal others is a wonderful gift. Thanks for sharing it with us.

    Lisa

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Striving for Peace]

    Author: Mary Catania (---.proxy.aol.com)

    Date: 11-02-02 13:15

    Thanks for your encouraging words, Lisa.

    Mary

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Striving for Peace]

    Author: Lisa Salberg (---.dyn.optonline.net)

    Date: 11-03-02 15:51

    Mary - You have earned them!

    Lisa
    NOTE: This is a post from the previous forum message board.

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