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Heart surgery 2.0
Sup Y'All,
I have not really posted much since July when my health bottomed out. I went to see Dr. Ashley at Stanford Med in CA and we fixed it with some minor medicine changes ... sort of. I would feel good for a week or two and then start getting worse so, we would go to the next level and so on and so forth. Fast forward to now. Out of medicine to try. Saw Dr. Ashley last weekend and we are scheduling my myectomy at some point this week. Dr. Reitz will be in charge of the hack and slash. God has done some incredible things in my life these last few months. I am working with Jr. High students in the schools and at the facility where I meet for worship. I have been so busy I almost didn't notice I was getting sicker. I am exhausted all the time. I sleep 12 - 16 hours and still have to drag myself out of bed. I sit still too long and fall asleep. I can not hardly wait to feel alive again. On the other hand; I can totally wait to have my sternum sawed in half and my heart shaved down ... I mean "friggin ouch!". I am so torn between what to freak out about in all this. I am worried about how bad it is going to hurt. I am worried that, while the odds are definitely in my favor, my wife is too young and hot to be a widow ... I really am looking forward to growing old with her, she's my best friend. I know I am an excellent candidate for surgery so death is really not my most realistic worry but, it would be foolish to pretend my odds of dying on the table don't exist. I am not writing this to my wife (I know she will sneak in and read it though) thus I am allowed to have these thoughts out loud. I can't stand the look on her face when I slip and state something fatalistic to her. I am an optimist but, I am realistic as well. Oh forgot to mention: in 2003 I had an alcohol ablation and ICD implantation, thus the "surgery 2.0" thing. I keep thinking "how am I going to live these last weeks, just in case." and, if I have the energy, I don't wanna change a thing. My time with my family and my work with the youth are the things I most want to do. I have been living my life like I could die tomorrow but, it is scarier when one just might. I was told by Heidi (the nurse coordinator) to get back in the swing of posting here so, I am being a good patient but, I have to go to work now; the kids need me. Sorry I went away when I got feeling better and thus busy. I need to be a better contributor. Maybe this time I will build some better habits.
Shalom,
Michael
I have not really posted much since July when my health bottomed out. I went to see Dr. Ashley at Stanford Med in CA and we fixed it with some minor medicine changes ... sort of. I would feel good for a week or two and then start getting worse so, we would go to the next level and so on and so forth. Fast forward to now. Out of medicine to try. Saw Dr. Ashley last weekend and we are scheduling my myectomy at some point this week. Dr. Reitz will be in charge of the hack and slash. God has done some incredible things in my life these last few months. I am working with Jr. High students in the schools and at the facility where I meet for worship. I have been so busy I almost didn't notice I was getting sicker. I am exhausted all the time. I sleep 12 - 16 hours and still have to drag myself out of bed. I sit still too long and fall asleep. I can not hardly wait to feel alive again. On the other hand; I can totally wait to have my sternum sawed in half and my heart shaved down ... I mean "friggin ouch!". I am so torn between what to freak out about in all this. I am worried about how bad it is going to hurt. I am worried that, while the odds are definitely in my favor, my wife is too young and hot to be a widow ... I really am looking forward to growing old with her, she's my best friend. I know I am an excellent candidate for surgery so death is really not my most realistic worry but, it would be foolish to pretend my odds of dying on the table don't exist. I am not writing this to my wife (I know she will sneak in and read it though) thus I am allowed to have these thoughts out loud. I can't stand the look on her face when I slip and state something fatalistic to her. I am an optimist but, I am realistic as well. Oh forgot to mention: in 2003 I had an alcohol ablation and ICD implantation, thus the "surgery 2.0" thing. I keep thinking "how am I going to live these last weeks, just in case." and, if I have the energy, I don't wanna change a thing. My time with my family and my work with the youth are the things I most want to do. I have been living my life like I could die tomorrow but, it is scarier when one just might. I was told by Heidi (the nurse coordinator) to get back in the swing of posting here so, I am being a good patient but, I have to go to work now; the kids need me. Sorry I went away when I got feeling better and thus busy. I need to be a better contributor. Maybe this time I will build some better habits.
Shalom,
Michael
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