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  • The List...

    [The List...]

    Author: Lisa Salberg (---.dyn.optonline.net)

    Date: 09-04-02 11:05

    This was sent to me by one of the HCMA members. I thought I would share it with you all... (thanks Harvey!)

    "The List"

    The most destructive habit...........Worry

    The greatest joy.............................................Gi ving

    The greatest loss........................Loss of self-respect

    The most satisfying work....................Helping others

    The ugliest personality trait......................Selfishness

    The most endangered species........Dedicated leaders

    Our greatest natural resource.....................Our youth

    The greatest shot in the arm............Encouragement

    The greatest problem to overcome......................Fear

    The most effective sleeping pill............Peace of mind

    The most crippling failure disease................Excuses

    The most powerful force in life...........................Love

    The most dangerous pariah......................A gossiper

    The world's most incredible computer.........The brain

    The worst thing to be without.......................... Hope

    The deadliest weapon.............................The tongue

    The two most power-filled words......................"I Can"

    The greatest asset...........................................Fa ith

    The most worthless emotion........................Self-pity

    The most beautiful attire................................SMILE!

    The most prized possession........................ Integrity

    The most powerful channel of communication...Prayer

    The most contagious spirit......................Enthusiasm

    To the WORLD, YOU may be ONE person; but to ONE person, YOU may be the WORLD...........

    Therefore remember : Take care of your Body, Nourish your Mind and Embrace your Soul!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: The List...]

    Author: Lisa Salberg (---.dyn.optonline.net)

    Date: 09-04-02 11:08

    The List was followed by this email - -Hey Mickey Mouse Club read this one!

    >Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible

    >crisp which no decent human being would eat?

    >

    >Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    >

    >If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

    >

    >Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

    >

    >If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why

    >can't he fix a hole in a boat?

    >

    >Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't

    >point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

    >

    >Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are

    >going to look up there anyway?

    >

    >Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both

    >dogs!

    >

    >What do you call male ballerinas?

    >

    >If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he

    >just buy dinner?

    >

    >Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

    >

    >If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    >

    >If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,

    >then what is baby oil made from?

    >

    >If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    >

    >Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

    >

    >Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    >

    >Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call

    >it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

    >

    >Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,

    >but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: The List...]

    Author: Larry (---.ppp.fcc.net)

    Date: 09-04-02 12:13

    If oatmeal cookies are made out of oatmeal, and chocolate chip cookies are made out of chocolate chips, then what are girl scout cookies made from?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: The List...]

    Author: Lisa Salberg (---.dyn.optonline.net)

    Date: 09-04-02 15:55

    You guys are really sending the fun ones today!

    here is email #3

    Puns on Hospital Project

    Did your hear about the hospital that asked the doctors about a new building project?

    The Dermatologist said the move would be rash.

    The Gastroenterologist (Stomach & Intestines) had a gut feeling that it wouldn't work.

    The Otolaryngologist (Ear, Nose, Throat) said, "I hear what you're saying, but the cost would be hard to swallow and we'd pay through the nose for years."

    The Neurologist thought the hospital had a lot of nerve.

    The Allergist said "Scratch it."

    The Ophthalmologist said the idea was shortsighted.

    The Orthopedist issued a joint resolution to prevent a kneejerk reaction.

    The Pathologist said, "Over my dead body."

    The Pediatrician said, "Grow up, the notion is childish."

    The Psychiatrist said, "In your dreams, you must be crazy."

    The Cardiologist said the heart of the matter is cash flow.

    The Obstetrician/Gynecologist said, "Who conceived of this project? It's premature and born to fail."

    The Podiatrist just took it all in stride.

    Hope you had a lot of PUN!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: The List...]

    Author: Larry (---.ppp.fcc.net)

    Date: 09-04-02 17:34

    Which would win if you used a humidifer and a dehumidifer in the same room?

    Why do they use an alcohol swab before giving a lethal injection to a condemmed inmate?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: The List...]

    Author: Larry (---.ppp.fcc.net)

    Date: 09-05-02 16:24

    Never argue with a fool, for they are doing the same.

    Remember that your sole purpose on earth is to serve as a warning to others.

    Keep an open mind, but don't lean forward or your brain may fall out.

    Remember that if you give a man a fish, he eats for a day, if you teach a man to fish, he will sit in a boat and drink himself stupid.

    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not a good idea.

    Remember that depression is only anger without enthusiasm.

    Never stand between a dog and the lamp post.

    ( All above entires stolen from Les Barker, an English comical (and sometimes serious) poet)

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: The List...]

    Author: Larry again. (---.ppp.fcc.net)

    Date: 09-05-02 17:17

    from my last post.........entires = entries. this board needs an edit feature!!!!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: The List...]

    Author: Lisa Salberg (---.dyn.optonline.net)

    Date: 09-05-02 20:50

    Larry.... you either have to take the show on the road or get a new hobby!

    Love,

    your darling baby sister!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: The List...]

    Author: Larry (---.ppp.fcc.net)

    Date: 09-06-02 09:49

    I have enough hobbies....thank you very much. Besides, you started it.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: The List...]

    Author: Sarah B--Board Moderator (---.client.attbi.com)

    Date: 09-06-02 10:39

    Hey, hey, hey, break it up you too!!! Time outs for both of you. No more fighting in public! *wink and grin*

    S

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: The List...]

    Author: Lisa Salberg (---.dyn.optonline.net)

    Date: 09-07-02 10:03

    A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in

    >her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the

    >remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by

    >first graders -- their insight may surprise you.

    Better to be safe than......................punch a 5th grader.

    >

    >Strike while the ...........................bug is close.

    >

    >It's always darkest before..................Daylight Savings Time.

    >

    >Never underestimate the power of............termites.

    >

    >You can lead a horse to water but...........how?

    >

    >Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty.

    >

    >No news is..................................impossible.

    >

    >A miss is as good as a......................Mr.

    >

    >You can't teach an old dog new..............math.

    >

    >If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning.

    >

    >Love all, trust.............................me.

    >

    >The pen is mightier than the................pigs.

    >

    >An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax.

    >

    >Where there's smoke there's.................pollution.

    >

    >Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents.

    >

    >A penny saved is............................not much.

    >

    >Two's company, three's......................the Musketeers.

    >

    >Don't put off till tomorrow what............you put on to go to bed.

    >

    >Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ....you have to blow

    >your nose.

    >

    >There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder.

    >

    >Children should be seen and not.............spanked or grounded.

    >

    >If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries.

    >

    >You get out of something only what you..... see in the picture on the box.

    >

    >When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the way.

    >

    >And the favorite:

    >

    >Better late than ...........................pregnant!!!!
    NOTE: This is a post from the previous forum message board.

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