Adoption

[Darek]

Hi. I do not post much on this forum but I do read postings for information and the well beings of others that have HCM and its progression. I'm a 38 year old male that was diagnosed with HCM (non-obstructive) when I was 10. At 30 I started have runs of a-flutter and after 4 ablations it has reared it's ugly head twice after "overdoing" it. I just had my 5th ICD implanted at Mayo in Phoenix where I live last January and, for the most part, I have been stable aside from the difficulty that comes with HCM and being on Sotalol. Oh add a mild stroke to the list from 3 years ago due to enlarged atrium and not being on Warfarin .

Sotalol seems to keep me in sinus rhythm but the beta blocker effects of it can be debilitating sometimes. I walk one mile at 2.5-3.0 mph almost everyday and do light strengthening exercises. My EF has been at 40-41% for many years without fluctuating.

But here is my issue. I am recently married and my wife, who is unable to bear anymore children, have considered adoption. I had pretty much resigned to the fact that I am physically incapable of raising a child due to my condition, but an opportunity presented itself to us where a distant member of the family is going to give up her baby for adoption.

As you know HCM'ers need their sleep, somewhat restricted diet, etc., etc. Everyday seems to be somewhat of a struggle so my concern is both my future health and the physical ability required to raise a child. My wife already raised two beautiful girls solely on her own so she would bear the brunt of the physical requirements. We are both approaching 40 but she is healthy and my only debilitation is HCM.

My question is am I overthinking this? I know several folks on this board do a wonderful job of raising children with HCM but does it come at a price? I would like to live to see my child grow up and become an adult. I realize HCM is unpredictable but I fear that this challenge will be too much for my heart to handle and I will leave my child and wife all alone.

I tend to overreact and be fearful when it comes to my heart and rightfully so considering my past so please chime in with your comments and thoughts as I would like fully analyze a situation to death before making a decision haha.

[mandksiders]

Re: Adoption

I understand your concerns and though I have HCM with no symptoms, I often wonder if something could happen with my HCM that would not allow me to see my kids grow up and leave my husband a widower with two children. Then I realize that anything could happen to anyone at anytime that is beyond their control that could take them away from their family. It doesn't just have to be HCM, it could be anything. Every parent wants to see their child live to grow up and become an adult, unfortunately that does not always happen, HCM or not. There are no guarantees in life.

If your wife wants to adopt this baby and knows going into it that she would have to do the brunt of the physical stuff and she's okay with it, and she's okay with the fact that you may have some medical issues down the line then I say "go for it." What a wonderful thing you would be doing. My mom had two children all the while battling HCM, she knew she was sick and didn't feel great, but she never let us know it. She had a myectomy when I was in 5th grade, lived with shortness of breath and all the wonderful things HCM can cause, I just never knew she was sick and thought her heart condition was no big deal. Not knowing at the time how she truly felt. I think she probably felt the same way you do, but she was able to parent and be active in our lives despite all the icky things that can come with HCM (she had a heart transplant 8 years ago, so her HCM was pretty bad). So, my advice- if you want to adopt this baby and you can provide this baby with the most important thing in the world, unconditional love, while you are here, then do it.

[Darek]

Re: Adoption

What an amazing reply! Just what I needed to hear actually. I have spoken to my parents, friends, and co-workers and they all say go for it! Thank you very much!

[Cynaburst]

Re: Adoption

I have a 10 year old son. I have HCM, and my father had HCM and his father had HCM but didn't know it. My father was the most amazing, wonderful parent ever. Although I lost him 4 years ago, I think of him every day. He had a stroke when I was a junior in high school, and had some HCM limitations, but he never let them keep him down. I am grateful for him and for the example he set for me to be a great parent to my son. As to my limitations from HCM, I had a myectomy 6 years ago because I wanted to give everything I could to raise my son. Having a child is probably the most rewarding thing I have ever done. And life is unpredictable. Don't let fear dictate your path. Enjoy every minute and live life to the fullest!

[Darek]

Re: Adoption

Thank you as well Cyna. We met with the parents last night and have decided to move forward with the adoption. We are very excited, nervous, thrilled, scared, overjoyed, concerned, and ecstatic about the whole situation But you are right . . . I have let fear control the past 15 years of my life but it's better late than never to take control.

[CarolinEOregon]

Re: Adoption

I hope all is going well with your decision to adopt. I just wanted to encourage you. My husband and I have eight children. We are birth, adoptive and foster parents. I have HCM. I had an extended septal myectomy almost two years ago. A week after I got home from open heart surgery we received a phone call and one of our former foster children was coming back into care. She came to us the first time when she was four in June 2006, this will make the fourth time she has lived with us. Her biological brother joined us two months later. The kids are now 10 and 6 and we are adopting them. I have had a very rough recovery, but they have been with us through it all. If we could live successfully during the roughest two years of my life than we can do anything. We currently have six very active children at home. Four teenagers ages 19 to 15 and the two younger ones. My two little ones have been deemed by the state of Oregon as not adoptable...so they are not your run of the mill kids, but we love them very much. Every child needs a family to call their own. It will probably take a year for our adoption to be complete. I will be praying for you and your journey! God bless you and your wife.

[[email protected]]

Re: Adoption

I was 26 YO whan diagnosed with HCM and placed on Beta Blockers, which, at that time, caused me quite a bit of fatigue. I was 32 when we adopted out first child, and 35 when we adopted our second. These two "children" are now about the same ages I was when we adopted them. When they were teens , I had my first pacemaker implanted. I am sending you wishes that you find the joy and happiness in your adoption that we found with ours...

Anne

[mbcube]

Re: Adoption

OK - I'm going to stand on my adoptee soapbox and say my peace. My parents knew nothing about me, or my 1/2 half sister (same mom, different sperm donor). They were well into their 40's when they got the call (my dad was 48, Mom, 43) to pick me up. Were they prepared? no. Did they love me? with all their normal hearts could. Am I grateful? you betcha.

As far as raising a kid while you have HCM. We all have good days and bad. When you have good days - give it your all. On the bad days, lean on your spouse. It takes two in a marriage to raise a kid and how that's divided up may swing day to day and year to year. Go ahead and adopt. Its not easy (on either end), but if you have a loving home, a solid family, this child will be the luckiest kid on the block.

[kirbyj]

Re: Adoption

Glad to hear you are moving ahead with the adoption! As the father of five and grandfather of ten I can tell you that children are wonderful to have around. The fact that we have HCM just means we have "big hearts" and we certainly can give all the attention and love that children need. Besides, HCM may come in handy later when your child is a teenager. I can remember grabbing my chest when arguing with my teenage sons, and saying, " You guys are killing me!" I think HCMers can be a little dramatic at times.

[purple_ness1]

Re: Adoption

If you wife wont's to adopt the baby and is happy with the fact she will have to do a little bit more then the normal mum i say go for it, bringing up kids is not all about the physical stuff, my father has HCM and sure he may not have been able to play catch with me as much as other dads but he did a amazing job bring me up and installing his morals in to me and i have many great memory's with him hes 64 and still alive and kicking.