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  • just for fun...

    [just for fun...]

    Author: Lisa Salberg (---.dyn.optonline.net)

    Date: 01-02-03 07:33

    DUMBEST THINGS SAID IN COURT

    Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

    Q: Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in

    most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about

    it until the next morning?

    Q: What happened then?

    A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify

    me."

    Q: Did he kill you?

    Q: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

    Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you alone or by yourself?

    Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?

    A: It indicates intercourse.

    Q: Male sperm?

    A: That is the only kind I know.

    Q: Can you describe the individual?

    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

    Q: Was this a male or female?

    Q: How long have you been a French Canadian?

    Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?

    Q: Mr. Clark, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?

    A: I went to Europe, sir.

    Q: And did you take your new wife?

    Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

    Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.

    A: That's me.

    Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

    Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

    Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

    A: By death.

    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?

    A: I'll be three months on November 8.

    Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?

    A: Yes.

    Q: What were you doing at that time?

    Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?

    A: I used to be.

    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

    Q: So you were gone until you returned?

    Q: She had three children, right?

    A: Yes.

    Q: How many were boys?

    A: None.

    Q: Were there girls?

    Q: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like,

    but can you describe it?

    Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?

    A: Yes.

    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

    Q: What device do you have in your laboratory to test alcohol content?

    A: I have a dual column gas chromatograph, Hewlett-Packard 5710A with

    flame ionization detectors.

    Judge: Can you get that on mag wheels?

    A: Only on the floor models.

    Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?

    A: Not yet.

    Q: All you responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to?

    A: Oral.

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    A: Yes, I have been since early childhood.

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of

    Mr. Brown?

    A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.

    Q: And Mr. Brown was dead at the time, is that correct?

    A: No. He was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: just for fun...]

    Author: Mary S. (---.net338.fl.sprint-hsd.net)

    Date: 01-02-03 11:51

    Sounds just like the questions we get at the Mouse!

    Now when is that 3 o'clock parade again? or Can you tell me where Disney is?

    I've got a ton of them!

    Mary S.
    NOTE: This is a post from the previous forum message board.

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