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Remembering my mom

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  • Remembering my mom

    [Remembering my mom]

    Author: Amy (---.proxy.aol.com)

    Date: 11-27-02 11:52

    I remember 4 years ago on Thanksgiving. It was the last Thanksgiving that my mother had a decent quality of life. She came to my house and invited all of our relatives. I was a little annoyed that she did that - if you knew what some of them are like you'd understand. It was so important for her to have all of her family around her. She knew that her time was limited. I was a couple of months pregnant with my 1st daughter. She was so excited at the prospect of having a new grandchild. It was a wonderful Thanksgiving...full of love. I'd give anything to have that Thanksgiving back again. This year we won't be having Thanksgiving. Partly because we are in England now and it is not celebrated, but also because I don't want to have a Thanksgiving without her...I just can't do it...it's too hard. I am very thankful for so many things...especially for having a mother like her. She was always there for me, even in the most difficult situations, even when she was extremely ill. She was there for so many people in their time of need. She started the 1st Cardiomyopathy Association in the UK and helped Lisa set up the HCMA. It just doesn't feel right. Thanksgiving is such a happy holiday, but I can't be happy because she's not here to enjoy it with me.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Sarah B. Board Moderator (12.144.99.---)

    Date: 11-27-02 12:26

    Dear Amy,

    I'm right there with you. My mom had a very large stroke two days before Thanksgiving, seven years ago. She is still with us, but not the same person. My dad died Christmas morning, 1999. We sold the "ole homestead" after that and nothing is really the same since. We will all be different places for Thanksgiving this year and it is all I can do to keep a brave face about it.

    I will say that the first year of every holiday without your mom will be the hardest. It gets better; the searing pain mellows into bittersweet after a while.

    We often had Thanksgiving dinner with a family I didn't enjoy and they cooked food I couldn't eat. I'd give anything for one more of those instead of going by myself to my friend's house. Or my dad going crazy trying to cook a gourmet meal and having no clue how to peel chestnuts and forgeting the broccoli.

    But deep down, I know my dad is with me no matter where I am.

    Are parents' would not want us to mope, but move forward and appreciate all that we have in the here and now. I'm thankful for the HCMA, for my family, and for my friends who are so great. I'm thankful that my dad was not here for 9/11 and the rest of the insanity that has ruled since then. It would have broken his heart that was already very dented.

    Big hugs, Amy,

    Sarah

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Amy (---.proxy.aol.com)

    Date: 11-27-02 12:50

    Thanks Sarah. I feel less alone, knowing that others know what I'm going through. It's funny how we don't appreciate what we have until it's not there anymore. You even miss the things that used to make you crazy.

    I know if my mom could, she would tell me not to mope. I never listened to her when she was alive, so it's almost appropriate for me to mope.

    I will try to be positive. Most of the times I can be. But I'm having these awful moments where I'm just so pissed off that she's not here. I know that death is something that we all face, but it just sucks so much to loose someone you love. It doesn't seem fair.

    I know she is still with me...at least most of the time I think that. But I just wish I could talk to her, just one more time. I just wish she could see her new granddaughter. I wish my children could have their nanna back.

    This year, we have to learn how to adapt without her and it's just hard.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Lisa Salberg (---.dyn.optonline.net)

    Date: 11-27-02 13:40

    I fully understand that you may not be in the typical "family party" mood this year Amy... but I want you to think about something...Your mom gave you those wonderful memories, dont you want to give the same to your kids? I am not saying you should not think of her and honor her in someway on holidays and special family days BUT I knew your mom and the last thing she would want is for you to sit around feeling sad about her on a holiday.

    Think about doing something special tomorrow, pull out the fancy dishes, use the good silverware, buy some flowers for the table and start a new tradition... YOUR the mom now and your mom taught you well. Please do not stop enjoying life because she is not with you here on earth... You know a part of her is always with you and the kids!

    Remember when we spoke just after she died and I told you of our many talks... I do not mind sharing here on the message board that she did not fear death, she feared that others may stop living life without her.

    It is OK to smile again Amy, it is OK to have new traditions, it is OK to change the way it is done, it is your show now (Lord knows that when your mom was here it was her show

    If you were in NJ I would open my home to your family and love to have you here with us...hey maybe next year

    With lots of love and a big hug!

    Lisa

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Lisa Salberg (---.dyn.optonline.net)

    Date: 11-27-02 13:47

    PS... I miss her too Amy - I still reach for the phone to call her several times per day, it took me 5 years to stop attempting to call Lori (once I had the number dialed when it hit me what I was doing).

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Sarah B. -Board Moderator (---.client.attbi.com)

    Date: 11-27-02 14:51

    Dear Amy,

    I know the anger that you speak of. It is just a part of the process and will fade, too, with time. I found that I just have to let myself feel whatever I felt and not stop it --even when you think the pain is so huge it will tear you are apart. The only things that really rips you up is keeping the ugly stuff inside --the tricky part is finding healthy ways of releasing it! Let me know if you have any! (smile).

    Hang in there and feel free to e-mail me.

    Sarah

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Linda, Bd of Directors (---.wmnsmd.adelphia.net)

    Date: 11-27-02 15:37

    Dear Amy, This is the first Thanksgiving without my Mom too. She died on Sep 11. It will be quite a challenge tomorrow, looking and listening for her goofiness and not finding it. I hope you and I have the chance to meet some day. Your mother was such a special person and friend. I think it was 3 yrs ago this Thanksgiving that I went to visit her when she was at Cleveland. I was fortunate enough to meet your brother, Brett. We had a great visit. In the years I knew her, she helped me through some tough times and decisions. She was a great lady. She was always quick to share stories about her grandchildren. She certainly loved her family. We all have great memories of her, that's the kind of person she was. I'll be thinking of you, I know your mother raised a very strong daughter to continue on and care for her grandchildren. Some days seem so overwhelming and you are still a new Mom - lots of adjustments in a short time. But tomorrow is another day. Best wishes, Linda

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Lori (---.client.insightBB.com)

    Date: 11-27-02 15:54

    I miss my brother Jeff also. This topic has helped me reflect on a wonderful Thanksgiving Day we had last year. He was very ill that day but insisted we talk about anything not related to his illness. What a wonderful family day it was..God Bless all of you and let us find peace from the season. Our family received great news today. My beautiful 18 year old daughter had a episode of syncope 2 days ago at the library we thought it was arrythiamma and her ICD had fired to wake her up. But after it was ckd today. No bad things recorded. They believe it was result in her blood presure dropped after a recent increase in her Beta Blocker.

    This has been a wonderful week since I have found the support of this forum.

    A Heartfelt Thanks...........Gobble Gobble

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Amy (---.proxy.aol.com)

    Date: 11-27-02 23:18

    Thanks for sharing all of your thoughts. There are so many other families out there dealing with the not having that special person around today and it's really hard...but it makes it a little easier knowing that there are others out there.

    Lisa, I don't remember you telling me what she said when we spoke after she died. I don't remember a lot about that time...I think I blocked much of it out to help me get through it. It really helps to know that she didn't fear death and that her worry was that the rest of us would stop living. It helps to know this.

    Sarah, I'll be thinking of you today...and if I find a healthy way to release this anger I will let you know. Unfortunately I think my poor husband is bearing the brunt of it at the moment.

    Linda, I had no idea that you knew my mother and that you recently lost your own mother. I will be thinking of you as well today.

    Lori,

    You and your family will be in my thoughts today as well. I'm happy that your daughter is o.k., and it was not an arrythiamma that caused her to black out...something to be thankful for.

    I think we will do something special today...I don't know what yet. I'm not very domestic, nor am a great cook (unlike my mother). Maybe I will get out her cookbooks and try to recreate those lovely dishes she used to make. Or maybe we will go out to eat as a family. I don't know yet, but I'll let you know.

    Happy Thanksgiving

    Amy

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Amy (---.proxy.aol.com)

    Date: 11-27-02 23:24

    P.S. I will also be thinking of those who have lost a child this year...I can't imagine anything more difficult. I know that today will be extremely hard.

    Maura, I will especially be thinking of you and Travis and the rest of you family. I hope you are able to find some peace and enjoyment today.

    God Bless,

    Amy

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Mom (---.proxy.aol.com)

    Date: 11-28-02 02:54

    Your mom was a very special lady and without her Lisa wouldn't have had a easy job getting this organization started. Her guidance was invaluable.

    I am sure your mom and my Lori have joined forces at that Thanksgiving table in the sky and are looking down smiling enjoying their families celebrations.

    Although both were cheated out of a fair share of life, their lives did make a difference which not all of us can say.

    So today as we sit down to dinner may we all raise a glass and toast two very special ladies now together in heaven.

    Wishing you and yours a happy thanksgiving and a happy thanksgiving to Sarah and Linda and everyone on the board.

    Mom

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Julie Petitpas (---.proxy.aol.com)

    Date: 11-28-02 04:39

    Hi Amy, My thoughts and prayers are with you this Thanksgiving Holiday. I also can understand what you are going through. I lost my Mother three years ago. She was only 54 years young and I was 7 months pregnant with my second child. My oldest was 16 months old when she died. She loved being a Grandmother for the short time she had. When my second was born I missed her being there with me in the delivery room. I was so angry she was gone. I then remembered I had 30 wonderful years with her which made me smile. I was sad her grandchildren would never get to know the woman I grew up with. I keep her memory alive so they know more about her than some children do when their grandparents are alive. I agree with Lisa when she says you need to live for your children. Start new traditions with your children.

    I also lost my little brother on September 27,2002 to undiagnosed HCM. He was 20 years young. My Dad and Step Mom are really having a hard time dealing with it. Once again I'm sad that my children will not have the opportunity to known the man who is their Uncle.

    I am Thankful for the HCMA and this board but, mostly I'm thankful for the life God has given me. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

    Julie P.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Sarah B. -Board Moderator (---.client.attbi.com)

    Date: 11-28-02 04:53

    My niece and nephew will never know my dad, but my brother and my sister-in-law talk about him and show them pictures and video and make him a part of their life. Kate can tell you lots about her grandpa. That is such a gift.

    Dear Amy, maybe just sharing stories about your mom today would be good for you all today.

    Happy One-More-Day-in-This-World,

    Sarah

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Lisa Salberg (---.dyn.optonline.net)

    Date: 11-28-02 06:06

    To all...

    Loss is hard, the pain is real...but life goes on and we must remember to smile and enjoy what is here. Too many of us know that is too quickly taken away...so enjoy yourselves today and have the best holiday you can.

    Amy - - I am proud of you for attempting to do something with your familly today, I know your mom would be happy!

    Mom - - Lori and Carolyn sitting together for Thanksgiving would be a site... Carolyn would have a perfectly set table with everything just so and Lori will add in some green mashed potatoes! While they shared many qualities their cooking skills are very different.

    I will share a funny story to break up some of these sad feelings...and it is a food story... When I went to England to visit Carolyn in May 2000 I asked if she wanted anything from the states...she said Maryland crabs! OK most people would have cooked up some crabs and sealed then in a bowl and brought the meat in a little bowl...

    We I am not most people (and nor did I know the international law on such matters)... So just prior to getting on the plane I stopped at the seafood store bought 3 dozen LIVE crabs...packed them in a cooler, wrapped the cooler in a blanket packed the cooler in a box and took the box off the plane (directly past customs who never asked me anything about bring live Maryland crabs on the plane). Well I got to Carolyns home and she looked at this VERY large box and said what is that??? I said your dinner! She laughed so hard she cried. Well anyway we boiled up some water got out the old bay and had ourselves a real crab bake. So Amy if you see a blue cooler in the garage it is the one the crabs traveled in! Oh for the record...all but 2 made it alive! Somewhere I have pictures..when I find them I will place them in our upcoming photo album.

    I am very thankful I did not get caught with the crabs..the fine would have been $5,000.00!

    Just one more thing to be thankful for today!

    All the best,

    Lisa

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Sarah B. -Board Moderator (---.client.attbi.com)

    Date: 11-28-02 06:43

    Dear Lisa,

    Your Jersey girl hutzpah!!!!! Only you, dear Lisa, could pull something like that off. Your total ignorance that you were doing something illegal got you past customs (and that they didn't think to put "are you bringing large batches of crustaceaons on the plane?" on the checklist).

    thanks for the laugh.

    S

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Lisa Salberg (---.dyn.optonline.net)

    Date: 11-30-02 10:29

    I love that story... someday I will tell you all about my trip through Brooklyn looking for a (&^%(&^ Bakery for my mom ...when the car got Commandeered by the cops! That was a fun day...July 4, 1984 if memory serves me correct!

    My life is NOT boring...that much is true!

    Lisa

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: Remembering my mom]

    Author: Kat (---.proxy.aol.com)

    Date: 11-30-02 19:21

    Dear Amy,

    My family's big holiday has always been Thanksgiving. As my brothers and I got older, moved out, and spent Christmas various places, Thanksgiving was always the one time of year we would all try to get together. When my mother retired she moved to Mexico, so we had a big get together there every year, even though for the first few years some of the locals who were invited were very suspicious of things like cranberry sauce and mincemeat pie. My younger brother Michael died of HCM almost three years ago, and no-one felt much like celebrating for quite a while after that, but we were afraid if we let it go by we'd never do it again. So we started going through the motions of the planning and preparation, and when the day came we all shared our memories of Michael, in a natural way, in the course of the eating and visiting. It turned out to be a very nice day, after all. This year Thanksgiving fell on what would have been my father's birthday, if HCM had not claimed him at a young age. Holidays are never quite the same after losing someone close to you, someone you are used to sharing that holiday with. Maybe it will help to make some changes in the way you celebrate, but that person who was part of your life will be there in your thoughts no matter what you do or don't do. And that is not a bad thing.

    Wishing you peace in your heart,

    Kat
    NOTE: This is a post from the previous forum message board.

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