If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ in HCMA Announcements. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. Your Participation in this message board is strictly voluntary. Information and comments on the message board do not necessarily reflect the feelings, opinions, or positions of the Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy Association. At no time should participants to this board substitute information within for individual medical advice. The Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy Association shall not be liable for any information provided herein. All participants in this board should conduct themselves in a professional and respectful manner. Failure to do so will result in suspension or termination. The moderators of the message board working with the HCMA will be responsible for notifying participants if they have violated the rules of conduct for the board. Moderators or HCMA staff may edit any post to ensure it conforms with the rules of the board or may delete it. This community is welcoming to all those with HCM we ask that you remember each user comes to the board with information and a point of view that may differ from that which you hold, respect is critical, please post respectfully. Thank you

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

hard time with daughter

Collapse

About the Author

Collapse

HCMA FORUM ARCHIVE Find out more about HCMA FORUM ARCHIVE
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • hard time with daughter

    [hard time with daughter]

    Author: Donna Benson (---.palmer.mtaonline.net)

    Date: 11-17-02 16:09

    Hi, I have been trying to think of how to word this. I am having problems with my 18 year old daughter. I have HCM and have an ICD. I am 41, lost my brother a year ago December 1 to HCM. Back to the problem with my daughter. She said that if she ends up with HCM she will not get an ICD. She said, that she would feel like she was cheating. I asked her if she would rather that I had not gotten the ICD. She said that she was glad that I got one. And that she would not like it if I was not here. I don't know if she is afraid of the implantaion of the ICD or what. She will not talk to me about it. When I asked what she had meant by "cheating", all she would say was that it may be what God has in mind for her. Has anyone had this kind of reaction form a family member? We are luckey that her eco was clear for now. Any help or thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated.

    Yours,

    Donna

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: hard time with daughter]

    Author: Susan Youngblood (---.wab.kconline.com)

    Date: 11-17-02 18:22

    I don't know if this will help any, but I am 37, HCOM, with a pacer. I write this with tears in my eyes, because I feel your pain and frustration. My 16 yr old daughter was just rechecked and cleared once again. However, she goes through anxiety and depression every time she has to be checked. She is very active, runs hurdles in track, plays basketball, and soccer. She is a christian, and has had to deal with not only my HCOM, but also the death of her father, several yrs ago. (Accident, not health related) She has been angry with God for some time now. She is afraid, and has expressed her anxiety, that if she is ever diagonosed, she will be missing out on the things in life that she sees that I can not do with her and her siblings. She is open with me most of the time, however she has expressed the desire to speak to a christian counselor. That is my next step for her. I hope that this is of some comfort to you, even if only for you to know that you and your daughter will be in my prayers. God Bless, Susan Y.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: hard time with daughter]

    Author: Lisa Salberg (167.165.39.---)

    Date: 11-17-02 18:24

    Donna,

    She is 18, she is young and her own mortality is a hard to imagine. As she is currently clear, I would not think to much about it as it is not a situation you must deal with at this point. I have worked with many families who have kids that up front do not want a device or procedure or in some cases even drugs... until they really FEEL symptoms or it is made clear to them how much they have to loose.

    Take care of yourself... and lets worry about your daughter IF she is diagnosed.

    Best wishes,

    Lisa

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: hard time with daughter]

    Author: Board Moderator (Sarah Beckley (---.client.attbi.com)

    Date: 11-17-02 19:05

    Hi

    18 is hard. Very, very hard. But Lisa is right --there is no use in arguing about an ICD if she is clear. It will just create more bad feelings and drive the wedge deeper. I suspect she will grow out the "cheating" idea and if she does get diagnosed, and still feels the same, then a Christian couselor would be a way to go.

    But truly, as long as she is clear, just let it go. I remember 18. It sucks.

    Sarah

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: hard time with daughter]

    Author: Amy Williams (---.proxy.aol.com)

    Date: 11-18-02 06:08

    Hi,

    I was diagnosed with HCM at the age of five. I did not have symptoms until I was 15. Throughout my teens and early 20's, I wanted to ignore my condition. I remember feeling invincible. The more my mother worried, or pushed me to face my condition, the more I didn't want to know. My mother had HCM and was very debilitated by it...I think Subconsciously I was afraid of ending up like her. Once I had my own children (and one was diagnosed with HCM) I had to take more responsibility for myself and my condition. From talking to others, I think this is quite common...especially among teens and young adults. I know of some young adults who refuse to even be screened...even after a sibling has died. I think that as your daughter grows older, she will probably feel differently. At the moment, remember she is clear...so try not to worry too much.

    Best Wishes,

    Amy

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: hard time with daughter]

    Author: Donna Benson (---.palmer.mtaonline.net)

    Date: 11-18-02 07:36

    HI, thank you for all the help and advice. One thing I did not tell you, is that she has a one year old son. I have used him as a reason for her to stay around. That seemed to get her thinking a little. At least she go tested. I know it is because it is so new for us all. It has not even been a year yet from the first time we heard the words HCM. Thank you once again for all your help.

    Yours,

    Donna

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: hard time with daughter]

    Author: Larry (---.ppp.fcc.net)

    Date: 11-18-02 12:36

    Although there may not be a simple answer, there may be a simple question you could ask her that may lead to her to an answer. "Whom is she cheating?"

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: hard time with daughter]

    Author: Sarah B. Board Moderator (12.144.99.---)

    Date: 11-21-02 06:23

    L

    I got the impression that she thinks she's cheating God if she intervenes in his plan to have her die young.

    S

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    [Re: hard time with daughter]

    Author: Larry (---.ppp.fcc.net)

    Date: 11-21-02 09:07

    That's the point, you can't cheat God. You can however cheat yourself or other people.But that has to be seen by the individule, not for the individule.
    NOTE: This is a post from the previous forum message board.

Today's Birthdays

Collapse

Working...
X