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Well I am back and no longer to have intermittent daily distractions, albeit it was a wonderfull event to be distracted by. The many , many details and preparations for this one special day are now past. It was wonderfull , cold , without snow , rain or a hint of bad weather that could have made for some challenges to say the least.
Many of the elders said it was a blast from the past , looking at her reminded them of my day when I too was 25 and getting married. She physically and personality wise has many of my traits. Well she was radient and enjoyed her day thoroughly . My new son in law was equally beeming. The day was long( for me) flew by for them. They are now at Disney World and she called to tell me the temperature is 80!!!! I hate the heat but, couldn't we use a little of that up in the north?
I do not wish to take away the glory of their day and I will not share this with them but the day took a very big toll on me physically. I had always dreamed of how this day would transpire and how I would enjoy it. Being a realist , an optimist, and always diminishing negative by trying to impart more positive , I often these days seem to set myself up for a big fall. In the end I realize I have only dreamt of positive outcomes not factoring in the often impossible situations that an HCM person encounters in what for many is a festive, fun filled, occasion. Yes weddings are a lot of work and evoke a lot of expectation on the part of the core participants. I had a lot of help believe me and I never could have looked like I pulled it off without that help and, for all this I am eternally happy and thankfull beyond words. I am gushing with pride and happiness for my daughter and her husband.
Today amongst the many memories of happiness and thankfullness for being alive and able to be at such a blessed event, I am saddened by the reality of how very , very difficult this was for me. I watched in envy as others did and enjoyed the wedding in ways I would have liked to.
Don't get me wrong and I am sorry to add a solemn note to this post but it is what it is and I HATE HCM!!! It has ruined my plans and dreams and robbed me dearly as it does many of you. Today I just need to go here and get it out so the toxic nature of it goes away and I can feel in control of my outlook and look up again. The diverticulitis has been back again attack # 6.
The topping on the cake.... Medicare notified me today that they will be reviewing my disability and determining if they want to do a full medical review. Of course I know that is exactly what they will do...more stress.
Sorry for the vent .
Best to all,
Pam
Many of the elders said it was a blast from the past , looking at her reminded them of my day when I too was 25 and getting married. She physically and personality wise has many of my traits. Well she was radient and enjoyed her day thoroughly . My new son in law was equally beeming. The day was long( for me) flew by for them. They are now at Disney World and she called to tell me the temperature is 80!!!! I hate the heat but, couldn't we use a little of that up in the north?
I do not wish to take away the glory of their day and I will not share this with them but the day took a very big toll on me physically. I had always dreamed of how this day would transpire and how I would enjoy it. Being a realist , an optimist, and always diminishing negative by trying to impart more positive , I often these days seem to set myself up for a big fall. In the end I realize I have only dreamt of positive outcomes not factoring in the often impossible situations that an HCM person encounters in what for many is a festive, fun filled, occasion. Yes weddings are a lot of work and evoke a lot of expectation on the part of the core participants. I had a lot of help believe me and I never could have looked like I pulled it off without that help and, for all this I am eternally happy and thankfull beyond words. I am gushing with pride and happiness for my daughter and her husband.
Today amongst the many memories of happiness and thankfullness for being alive and able to be at such a blessed event, I am saddened by the reality of how very , very difficult this was for me. I watched in envy as others did and enjoyed the wedding in ways I would have liked to.
Don't get me wrong and I am sorry to add a solemn note to this post but it is what it is and I HATE HCM!!! It has ruined my plans and dreams and robbed me dearly as it does many of you. Today I just need to go here and get it out so the toxic nature of it goes away and I can feel in control of my outlook and look up again. The diverticulitis has been back again attack # 6.
The topping on the cake.... Medicare notified me today that they will be reviewing my disability and determining if they want to do a full medical review. Of course I know that is exactly what they will do...more stress.
Sorry for the vent .
Best to all,
Pam
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