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teenagers! Here we go............

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Dolly (Andrew's mom) Find out more about Dolly (Andrew's mom)
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  • #16
    Re: teenagers! Here we go............

    Absolutely a great topic to discuss and your right, there probably is no right or wrong answer. This has been discussed since Adam & Eve left the garden.
    I'm going to look at this from the view of a parent, even though my 22 year old daughter shows no sign of HCM. There are other teen related activities that fall into a similar categary as the dangers from abusing your HCM. They being use of drugs, driving while impaired, unprotected sex and probably a few others. All could have the same result as HCM if your teen has or does any of these. So natually you don't want them abusing any of them.
    Is there a way to protect them 100%, I don't think so.
    You can discuss with your teen or younger child until **** freezes over about the end result of abusing any of these and as parents it's our duty to.
    However there are a couple very powerful things working against every parent. Teens think they are bullet proof and know more than you. You come from a different era. The other being peer pressure and the need to be part of the group.
    They will swear they understand and then go out and do just what they shouldn't. 99.99% of the time they will be OK, but every so often there comes that knock on the door that something has happened as a result of them doing what you discussed. Everyone knows someone or has had it happen to them and it happens to teens nobody ever thought it would.
    The key is to always keep the lines of communication open and discuss and educate, discuss and educate over again.
    You can let them know your not happy, but never be hostile or harp on them, you'll lose everytime with that approach. Converse with them regularly as an adult, not only about this type of thing and their ears will be more in tune.
    So short of locking them up in a cage, you've got to let them go out the front door and hope this time they got it.
    And once they go out the front door there is one other tool you can use.
    Pray.
    Every great thing that has ever happened since the beginning of time has started as a single thought in someones mind.
    So if you are capable of thought then you are capable of great things
    Good luck and stay well.
    Glen

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    • #17
      Re: teenagers! Here we go............

      Dolly, I'm sorry for all your son and the entire family have had to endure. I've started to post a response several times and then deleted it. How can I offer advice when I'm so unsure of myself in being a parent in much the same situation? My son never had to deal with the situation in school, at least not that I'm aware of. I must say that our school system seems to be on top of those situations, even though some must surely slip by. I can only imagine the frustration these young people must be going through. We, as adults, are so often inadequate at verbalizing the real problem. HCM is the one he can blame and name, so that's what he focused on. There are so many things to think about and worry about as a teenager, and the future holds so much promise but so much uncertainty. He has a load that others his age don't even have to think about. Then there are some who have an even different or greater load. The tragic loss of his young cousin is probably a greater burden to him than anyone is aware of, and he may not even realize it. We tend to bury those thoughts that are most bothersome and focus on the ones that are easier said. I hope he will be able to talk with you and let you know specific things that he is really missing and specific things he thinks he may miss in the future. Maybe reassurance about just one of those things, or coming up with a replacement for one of those things will open up a whole new avenue of communication. I know focusing on the driver's license was a big one for us. It is always a big step for a teenager, but quite a challenge for us due to the medical clearances necessary. But it gave us lots of things to talk about and plans to outline and procede with. We were working together, he knew we were there with him. The everyday, regular things are taken for granted, so conversation isn't always forthcoming, esp around our house. I'm constantly looking for things to talk to them about. You've gotten a lot of good suggestions from others and just knowing so many others are dealing with similar situations may help. I know you are doing your best and will be there for him. I always try to remember that he has plenty of reason to be angry and he needs to be allowed to express that now and then in an appropriate way. Best wishes and keep us posted. Linda

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      • #18
        Re: teenagers! Here we go............

        Dear Linda,

        I was wondering how Andrew was doing. I've been thinking of him as of late. For us, with hockey season around the corner, my wife and I have been experiencing that "weird" feeling in your throat whenever we think about him not being eligible to play. Sometimes, I wish they could revisit "26th Bethesda Conference" recommendations for disqualification because I think it probably is already oudated due in part by recent technological developments, as well as more aquired knowledge.

        Anyway, that's a different story and one that might be a good topic of conversation on some other post, but for some kids you can't take sports away from them. The pitfall with discouraging adolescents from general sports participation is that they might still be able to compete in other sports and experience the benefits of participation. An optimistic approach is always important when problems arise in young impressionable athletes, and I'm hoping that someday disqualifying conditions can be resolved or controlled with medical or surgical intervention, enabling future participation. For some of us it would be like asking pigs to fly, but I'm still optimistic that we will figure out a way to keep people active and competitive, while taking away the risk of SCD. Believe me, we've been subjected to a great deal of pessimism on the part of the medical community, and frankly most of it derives from their own fears of legality issues.

        Recently, our son completed his "level 1" coaching license from USA Hockey. It allows him to still exhibit his skills and pass on his knowledge of the game to other players. It helps a little for now and keeps him in the game. I've also encouraged him to consider sports medicine in college. He ultimately wants to work with athletes, and has been focusing on the sciences in high school. I don't know how old Andrew is, but let me know if I can be of any assistance with any long term, or short term plans with his education. It could very well encompass his interest for fitness and even weightlifting but in a different light.

        Got to go for now, but I would love to help.

        Sincerely,

        Bert

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        • #19
          Re: teenagers! Here we go............

          Hi Bert, I think it was Dolly you meant to address your message to, but that's OK. My son fit the picture for the message in lots of ways too. When his brother played football(only 2 yrs in HS), he became a part of the crowd by working what I called "the chain gang". He and his Dad kept the yards measured for all the home games and felt very much a part of things, esp since he was still in middle sch. Our high sch football team was very unique in that the team managers were quite often special ed students. The coaches promoted interaction and appreciation of all. The quarterback who was Homecoming King one year, removed his crown and crowned one of the managers (a special ed student) with the announcement that he wanted this person to feel the same glory and importance that he had experienced during his time as team captain, qtrback, etc. He announced that these guys were the real heroes. The new King became escort for the Queen, not a dry eye in the place, and you've never seen a bigger smile on the face of any one person, unless it was his parents. There's lots of compassion and understanding left in this world. I just wish there was less unkindness. Linda

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