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A Mom's Hurt


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  • A Mom's Hurt

    It was December 15, 2002 at 9:45am when my life changed forever. I had worked all night and was awaken by the phone after only two hours of sleep. The man on the phone identified himself as a member of Troy State University Staff. His exact words were: "Is this Meshelle Davis, Lee Bowden's Mom" Yes "I'm sorry Ms. Davis but Lee Bowden died this morning. I was alone when this call came and no one and I mean no one should have to here this news by phone-especially a Mom.
    My son had been playing games at 6:45am with friends and they were talking over the phone line. The two friends said that Lee gasp and made a quiet sound they had never heard before or would now ever forget. when Lee wouldn't responed they disconected and called campus police. Lee had been given permission to stay in his dorn because he worked for the computer lab and was working during the holidays. The campus police could not find my son-for some reason they don't have a list of room #'s. This is very upsetting to me. If they would have known what room he was in, maybe they could have helped him. it took them 30 minutes to find my child.
    My father died March 22, 1989 from HCM but we were not told abot having family members screened. Lee had been to a doctor when he was younger and a heart murmer was found but I was told not to worry.
    It seems the entire world let me and my son down.
    what do you do?
    thank You

  • #2
    Re: A Mom's Hurt

    Dear leesmom.
    I am so saddened for you. To endure what you have gone through must be heart rending! I am so sorry the Dr. did not tell you about family screenings. It seems so much has been learned by the medical profession in the last 10-12 years. But one would have thought even in 1989 they would have known that much. I wish there was something to say that could make it “better” but there isn’t.

    When my young wife died, I found much help in grief and loss groups. If that seems appropriate for you, at least you would not be alone in your pain. Be assured of our prayers and support on this board. Please stay in touch and let us know how you are.

    God Squad co-moderator
    Nothing is as gentle as strength and nothing is as strong as gentleness


    • #3
      Re: A Mom's Hurt

      Dear Meshelle,

      I'm so very sorry for your the loss of your son and your father. You will find many people here who know only too well exactly what you are going through. I am glad that you found us so we can perhaps help you as best we can.

      If you haven't already, please get screened. Your father's siblings, their children, any other children of yours --should all get echoes and ECGs.

      With your family history, implantable cardioverters-defibrillators (ICD)would be a top consideration. Little comfort now, I know. We try so hard to educate the medical community here, and the public, so things like this won't happen, but we aren't there yet and it makes me so angry when I find out how far we still have to go.

      My father died three years ago from medical ignorance as well (but of a different kind), so I can appreciate everything you are going through. I can only say that we are all here for you.

      take care,



      • #4
        Re: A Mom's Hurt

        Dear Meshelle,

        Words can't convey the sadness I felt reading your post. I'm glad you're here and that you know you aren't alone. If there is anything we can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask.


        Husband has HCM.
        3 kids - ages 23, 21, & 19. All presently clear of HCM.


        • #5
          Re: A Mom's Hurt

          Dear Meshelle, I'm so sorry for you, your family, and all you've been through. I pray that you are surrounded with the love and support of family and friends. I hope we are able to help you in some way. Linda


          • #6
            Re: A Mom's Hurt

            Dear Meshelle,
            I am so sorry for your loss. The loss of a child is not natural and excrusiating. Your pain is so fresh and your loss is so tragic. Yet, I am pleased that you have found the HCMA. Unfortunately, the circumstances surrounding your search are painful and sad.

            It's been three years since my son, Anthony died of undiagnosed HCM. I agree with Leon, that a grief group may help you over time. Please know that you also have a wonderful support group through the HCMA.

            Many of the HCMA families have lost loved ones before they found support here. Although your days seem dark now, your son's death will not be in vain. Through awareness and education in your community, your family, the area doctors and medical community more people will learn of the importance of heart health in our young people and others will have a choice to live.

            Please feel free to PM me or call for encouragement, a shoulder or an ear. My heart aches for you.

            You remain in my prayers as I send you God's blessings and comfort in your time of sorrow.
            God Bless your son, Lee Bowden. He soars with the eagles as an angel in heaven.

            Love and Light,
            Sharon Bates
            Anthony's Mom


            • #7
              Re: A Mom's Hurt

              My name is Diana and I send to you my condolences and deep deep sympathy for your extreme loss. Sharon Bates sentiments say so many of the things I would say to you as you walk this excruciating journey.

              I lost my beloved nephew Timothy, who was only on the earth for 9 days, approx. two yrs. ago. Mommy (my sister) and the rest of the family, a big brother and sister (dad too) are doing much better now but still the hole and the loss run deep. They have found comfort in group support where they can openly discuss, grief and celebrate the life of the lost one. I hope you can in your time on this journey find a place where you can be supported and loved and who can help you thru this time.

              I too will be in prayer for you. And believe me the anger you feel is natural and our God can take what ever you throw at Him. He is grieving with you as he holds your son in His arms.

              You can PM me as well if you would like to talk or if you would like my sisters e-mail address.

              I pray that you will find comfort with those who know a loss such as this and that God would allow God to comfort you as well.



              • #8
                Re: A Mom's Hurt

                Dear Meshelle,

                I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. In times like these i seldom have the right words to adequately express my feelings, and i'm afraid that this is one of those times.

                If i may be allowed to relate a similar experience to you...

                My father passed away at a very young age, and we know now that he had HCM which had not been properly diagnosed. He had no previous history of heart disease... he suffered a sudden-death episode... and was gone. Like your son, he had always known that he had a heart murmur, but had been told it was nothing to worry about. One night... my dad got out of bed, collapsed to the floor, and then died. My mother was asleep at the time, and did not hear any of this happen right away. Later, a physician at Allegheny Hospital in Pittsburgh told my mother that if she had only woken up sooner, and gotten him medical attention in time, that my father might still be alive today.

                This has tortured my mother and my family for many years, and i think that i will never forgive that man for telling her that. Since that time, my mother has always felt that she is responsible for my dad's death, because she did not react properly, or within the proper time frame, to save my father's life. This is simply not the case.

                There are so many 'what-ifs' that go through a person's mind at a time like this... what if i he had been found sooner... what if he had been properly diagnosed and treated for the disease. And i'm afraid that there are no easy answers to those questions. But i do know that i eventually had to accept the fact that there was simply nothing i could have done to prevent my father's death. In some way... in the bigger scheme of things... dad's time on this earth had simply come to an end, and nothing i could have done would have prevented it.

                If there is one wish i have for you at this time, it is that you will not dwell on what might have happened, but to accept what has happened, however hard it may seem to do so, because in reality, there really is nothing you could have done.

                I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

                "Some days you're the dog... some days you're the hydrant."


                • #9
                  Re: A Mom's Hurt

                  Your story is so sad..but not so uncommon, at least here at the HCMA. I am sorry for your loss, the manner in which you were notified and for the pain that you are now in, you are in my thoughts.

                  I would like to offer you the oppurtunity to share your son with us. We often here of these tragic deaths, but your son can not be "labled" by the way he died but should be remembered for the life he lead and the person he was. So I ask you to share with us, when you are ready, all you wish about your son.

                  His life has forever become part of the HCMA and its mission to stop these needless deaths from happening in the future.

                  If you need anything - please call.

                  Lisa Salberg
                  Knowledge is power ... Stay informed!
                  YOU can make a difference - all you have to do is try!

                  Dx age 12 current age 46 and counting!
                  lost: 5 family members to HCM (SCD, Stroke, CHF)
                  Others diagnosed living with HCM (or gene +) include - daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, sister and many many friends!
                  Therapy - ICD (implanted 97, 01, 04 and 11, medication
                  Currently not obstructed
                  Complications - unnecessary pacemaker and stroke (unrelated to each other)


                  • #10
                    Re: A Mom's Hurt

                    Dear, Meshelle,

                    I just read your post and was so saddened by your loss. I am so sorry for you and your family.
                    I was dianosed with HOCM 3 yrs ago and lost my mother to it at a young age. I continue to be amazed at how much the medical community does not know about this monster called HCM.
                    We are almost neighbors as I live in Dothan. I wish only the best for you.

                    [email protected]
                    The BEST is yet to come !!


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